2011 went so fast! Happy 2012!

I gained so much brilliant experiences that’re deeply engraved in my memory. I come to manage things that were almost going out of control. Through my journey, I come to throb other peoples feelings but mostly I added some bright colors to their precious lives. I gained some new hommies and acquainted some, but still the golden ones remained. And as I survived from this tragic nightmare (Sendong) I conceive the legit sap of life. It’s not what we have but it’s who we are in the midst of suffering,discomfort,hardship and misery.

Couple of people I could recall failed to notice the ambiance of Christmas! But perhaps, I want these people to realize that Christmas isn’t just merely celebrating with yummy food, partying, big Christmas trees with huge boxes of gifts under it, wrapping houses with Christmas lights and receiving material gifts! If you’re one of these, then wake up! In just a blink of an eye, it could all be gone.

Remember, if materialism was ever to satisfy anyone, it would have been Solomon, the richest king the world has ever known. He had absolutely everything and had more of it than anyone, and yet he found it was all worthless and futile. It did not produce happiness or the satisfaction our souls long for. He declared, “He who loves silver shall not be satisfied with silver” (Ecclesiastes 5:10). In the end, Solomon came to the conclusion that we are to “fear God, and keep His commandments. For this is the whole duty of man” (Ecclesiastes 12:13) (sunflower,yahoo).

Some of my friends left me this early, some didn’t make it due to various tragedies but above all the suffering and pain, according to the Revelation 21:1-7 “He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”


So get up and we should enliven our minds for the new year! Another chance for everyone to make things better. Let’s take away all the bitterness,pain, and all the negative vibes that keeps us bothered. Better yet to be productive,pro-life,active and serve the Lord,
for in the end—-we will see each other in heaven. =)
p.s. friends,lovers,haters,enemies—grow up and get a life ;*
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!


http://xiantian.tumblr.com/

The way you talked to her turned my warm loving precious heart to a fire wrapped with the coldest solid-stoned ice with stinging thorns. Thanks a lot.

OVER?

So we're in this spacious room with my family (ma,pa,sis & me). Pa, brought up some "chikka" to us. It was all about this guy, let's name him CUTIE. So, Cutie's mom concernedly spoke up to my Pa about his son's situation... It's 'coz Cutie's courting a girl aged 13 or 14 from the IDS (the best school in Iligan City inside our University). So Cutie's mom was super bothered of what's happening between the two. My Ma was being judgmental about that 13-year old teenager. Like, she would've stop communicating with Cutie,the issue won't be this sorta big. My Pa advised Cutie's mom to report to the college guidance office.

Sigh* By listening to the tone of my parents' voices conveying their expressions, they're being so overprotective and even more strict since the time my younger sissy was going home late with not so valid reason. (C'mon, she's got a guy already) & my parents were asking me several times already if she's got a BF. & wtf? that's the most awkward topic to be brought to this family. I never answer those kind of questions 'coz,dude,you gotta mind your own business. -----

Hoping for my dog's recovery

It's been six years,i reckon since our family last adopted dogs. We had been losing dogs before due to their weird,unexplained sickness. Like,it's much costly if we consult a vet for them.

My dog had been throwing up for almost a week & he had gotten thinner,weaker,in active & in such a manner...he's dying :( I was actually comfortably sleeping just when my sis alarmed us that my dog was crying while lying,moving his stiffed legs,scratching the floor...and i unacceptably guess that he's in a coma state. He's not even responding but is still breathing. What now? it's almost midnight, I feel so helpless and affected just like his dog playmate--also teary eyed while watching my pet,Choi,dying.

Choi had been a really great pet to this family. He once survived from severe skin itches and allergies. He's been really active like running,playing around and guarding our home. Just when he started eating pieces of cellophane, he slowly suffered... I hope he will recover the next day. I want to see him bright and alert... :(

Teenage Life

we all grow up, and our parents very well know that.

silent thinker+secretive+introvert= the legit me.

yes,18 is such a young age,too little knowledge about the real deal events of our daily lives. too young to take part of mature-ish problems. and most commonly... too young to handle relationships.

ah'rite, ever since, no matter how stuborn i may be when it comes about self-discipline and doing house hold chores that it'll always come to the point where yelling and shouting begins! but,above all that: my parents have my respect, and i honor them a lot, that's why every decision i will soon take, i have their blessing.

i follow their advices, most especially about paying more attention to doing better with my academics. i have been focusing since the start of my college life.

BUT little did i notice, that love thingy dragged my focus a bit. about that kind of field in my mellow-traumatic/dramatic life. AND because i honor them that much, i turned some guys down. in other words, BUSTED. i'm a bit picky though...

BUT THEN AGAIN, it always comes around when i least expect it. and i felt like loving the same person over and over again, realizing that i love him more than yesterday... HELLO! strict parents and HELLO! long distance relationship :)

i want to have one in this stage of my life. besides! there's nothing wrong with our relationship. great trust and pure communication flowered and bloomed through the days we spent virtually together -.-

we have been going stronger for 7 months now, we had several fights and we broke up thrice. i felt like it was just a game at first, but baby--never play with love, maybe you'll get played by it! boom chikka wawa :p

let me introduce him to you:
manila guy-dont get me wrong, he's different from the other guys from there :p

he's tall - 5'11

asiany!- chinky eyes and has a sense of fashion, glowing white skin. swaggeriffic :)

a former hearthrob and a basketball player, soon entering as a varsity player.

purely SWEET!- knowledgeable of almost all the punchlines

religious- brings me closer to God

childish & mature :D - knows when to act like it

family bounded - knows how to pay respect to his parents :D

haha end-- imma hang you for a while i gtg

SIGNS NA MAY CRUSH SAYO ANG CRUSH MO:

SIGNS NA MAY CRUSH SAYO ANG CRUSH MO:

1. Nagkakahiyaan kayo sa isa’t-isa
2. Sweet siya sayo kapag kayo lang dalawa
3. Lagi ka niyang inaasar o kinukulit
4. Madalas kayong magkulitan
5. Lagi ka niyang nilalapitan
6. Nababadtrip siya sayo ng walang dahilan
7. Lagi ka niyang tinatawanan
8. Laging nakikibalita kung ano ang lagay mo
9. Lagi kayong nagkakatinginan ng hindi sinasadya
10. Concern siya sayo.


----------------------
natawa talaga ako dito! yung EXcrush ko parang ganito ginagawa niya eh. Loko! patawa this post eh. anu ba yan! 90% he nailed it! nako nako. haha natawa lng talaga ako :P eh, totoo eh!

Hi, just got home! The city is burning hot! Like almost. 40 degree celcius! Oh boy! I don't want to get super tanned! Haha. Anyway,
I was together with Paul and Aido--we had our bible study :) and today, September 12th , is my birthday of really accepting LOrd Jesus Christ ( i mean, the date I really took note of) It's always nice to be with God, talking about Jesus and how lucky we were to be saved by him. Because at times, we just need to be reminded of our spiritual actions. That, life is eternal and we must fear no evil for God is withnus through Jesus CHrist, our Lord, Our Saviour, Forever in our hearts. :)

sup?

If it's real love, it can wait. Though he has been telling me that he's not rushing me-- by his actions, he is. So here are the reasons and perspective from my side:

1. I already told him I'm not open for a relationship. Why?
2. Because I enjoy being single and free.
3. I have been through a lot, though I was never really in a REALationship before.
4. His parents want to transfer him to another school next sem, but he wants to stay here.
5. Who knows? During sem break they're gonna talk it over and convince him to really transfer. Besides, his parents are the ones who'll give money for tuition fees and all the financial support.
6. If we will be together now and he will transfer to another school, I don't want to be left behind.
7. If this is REAL love he can wait.
8. My parents don't want me to be in a relationship this early and I do respect their rule.
9. It's okay to be"FRIENDS" for now.
10. Seriously, he is so obssessed and I don't really love him as a lover.
11. My intention was for him to be my friend, I was really kind (i had a secret crush on him before but crush != love)-- he took it the wrong way.
12. I only see him as a brother for now.
13. I'm having a hard time, oh Jesus, I dont love him. I just seem to care!
14. I cant force myself to be with someone who really loves me but I couldnt repay.
15. It takes time. He's in a hurry. He has given me three weeks or two, to decide. But I always tell him not to expect from me, because I am NOT READY for a relationship.
16. In the eyes of the crowd, we're ON. But seriously! NOT!
17. I'm SINGLE and CONTENTED.
18. I can live alone, I don't really need someone right now. I want school works, paper works all about learning something new, doing something really productive, make my parents super proud of me and take one step higher everytime I fall 10 times lower.
19. Because I bloom like a flower. Have you ever wondered that flowers bloom on its own, from the power within? You Can't force to open a bud and make it flower. If you do so, it wil be ruined, a total mess. Whereas, if you wait for a flower to bloom, there you can smell its fragrance and real beauty. Like flower buds, No outsider can open me from within. Allow me to bloom, on my own, by myself.
20. BECAUSE IF ITs REAL, IT CAN WAIT.
IF IT CAN'T WAIT, THEN IT'S NOT LOVE AT ALL.
IT'S MERELY AN ADMIRATION OR OBSSESSION.

I AM ABOUT TO BLOOM LIKE A FLOWER.
WHO KNOWS? I WILL LOVE HIM.
BUT IF NOT, THEN IT'S NOT REAL.









14.

Just after my physics exam, my phone rang. Guess whose name was appearing! Twas HIM O_O. gulp*. Haha, I actually grooved on to that moment while my phone was ringing & was doubtful to speak up "hello". & I heard his worried cute voice, asking about the real exam schedule. Awwwwe, for all I know...I'm just a text away from him, now...He's calling :) So happy was I, I could jump for joy...Sigh*

He approached me and said "Hi Stef, salamat!" :) I was kinda emo near the corner, I only responded a smile conveying "Hi". xD

Made my day : )

1. How many girls and/or guys have you kissed girl:1
2. If you were filthy rich (as in wiping your ass with $1000 bills rich) how many houses would you buy and where? somewhere I feel safe & people are outgoing & fun to be with
3. What are you most afraid of? To know everything at a wrong time
4. If you could have one thing disappear from this earth, what would it be? none
5. What would you rename the current country you live in? Anghel, Savior City
6. If you had to wear one outfit for the rest of your life, what would it be? his shirt
7. Think about the one guy/girl you thought “wow, why did I like that person? and tell me about them mysterious, unpredictable, adorable.
8. Do you wish your first kiss was with someone else? And why. I don't know, never been kissed
9. Tell me about your first friend she's hot
10. Tell me about the last time you cried over someone **LL*** (that sucked)
11. If you could have one animal as a pet that is considered “illegal” which would it be? Can I count him as a pet? HAHA, that's illegal, you know xD
12. Describe a phase that you went through young love---cute
13. What are a few things on your bucket list to do better, to talk with my Savior,Jesus every time
14. Tell me about your girlfriend/boyfriend Hmm, I have none. *grin* (tall)
15. How many times a day do you think you go to the bathroom? infinity :))
16. If you could have prevented one disaster from history, which would it be? You put my life in misery :))
17. 3 things you want to say to 3 different people. 1 nice, 1 mean, 1 confession 1st person:
I'm glad we met.* I hate you for being so secretive.*I write a lot about you.
2nd person: You're talented* You're taller than me* I have been watching over you.
3rd person: You're smart. I hate the way you look at me from a far.* I think I'm fallin :))
1st,2nd & 3rd person, they're all the same haha

18. Confess something I like this guy, nadevelop lng tlga ako, promise :))
19. Something that not a lot of people know about you I have guy traits when I'm home haha. I sit at the back of the driver's sit when riding a jeepney so my hair wont be destroyed. I read and reread my blog whenever I'm bored. I don't delete his messages on my phone no matter how nonesense you may think it is. I love scrolling my inbox up and down & the only name I see is HIS name.HAHA. I'm lazy.

My birthday's comin,
LOL & I got no plans xD

I wish to be taller though.
sigh*

Haha, but being small makes me cute. HAHA sounds so self proclaimed, but yeah, I'm being honest to myself. Ayaw kong niloloko ko sarili ko sa mga kabobohan ko.

LOL, someones playing with my hair few days ago. Haha, playful :)

This is the only page in which I can open almost everything about my inner self. I keep this page, supposed to be a super secret one. But yeah, I like people reading my posts. People who're not involved in my posts and who're not friends with the people involved in these posts.

That feeling when someone you like...likes you back*

People around me, taught me...not to be scared because if I have this mentality of being scared, I'm not actually focusing on my goals...but rather on my disappointments. Yes life bounces, it goes up and down. And it's so damn short. But no matter how short it maybe, I come to realize to take one step at a time, seems like the world is mine but not everything can be mine and mine alone. Everything has reasons, no matter how nonsense I think it is. Somehow, I'd better trust my instincts for this ability of listening inside a person's feeling caught me. They say, "never assume"--but what if that assumption of yours leads to a better you.

Life's a game & so is love. Learn to deal with those, for once your life may spice up a bit. Be nasty sometimes, so boring of you if you stay calm and good as you are. I mean, each of us has ways of expressing oneself towards interacting others.

Just that, I learned to cheat sometimes---honestly, in my homework, just to survive. So lame of me. At this age, I should have done things all by myself. But, what are friends for? We help hand in hand, this is what you call, THE TEAM WORK.

I have several notebooks for my vocabulary, yet I misplace these notebooks. I'm so unorganized. Sigh* I feel so greedy now. Greedy, that I want to learn everything yet I can't 'coz I'm a donut butt.

Hey what's up now? Life seems so fast when I started to look back for the things that I have done. Everyday seems to be a new beginning and something to look forward to, no matter what history you left behind was. & the most important thing is now and nothing else but today's present.

It's his birthday today, my ex crush lol. I did something unplanned, but yeah. HAHA, twas all my idea. I just grabbed my sissy not to make it obvy. LOL yeah. He used it as a dp! LOL. yeaaah. sshhh don't tell my guy bout this. haha. Special people really deserve something sweet from me. HAHA. is it even sweet? awe, c: I just noticed that he's "married" to his new girl, well yeah. Hope he'll be in good hands coz I am :)

Never love too deep...

because someday?

It will be like a planted tree...
(I tell you)


Where the roots are too hard to pull out...

Yet very painful to cut off...

I have never been in a relationship before, ever in my whole life, I swear. Since I was really really conservative to these scenario, I learned how to hide my feelings and talk a lot to myself and write a lot about that person whom I was always thinking of. It was sometimes awkward for me too see lovers together doing their thing when my family is with me, we were not taught how to have special relationship since they stick more to academics than any other else. They want us to finish successfully for this success and knowledge we will soon gain will never be stolen from anyone. Seriously saying, when I see lovers together, when I'm alone...questions bother me, how do they handle it? Do their parents know? What do they talk about? How do they go on conversations? Do they talk forever? What if one gets mad? How does the other react? Is he/she truthful? How did they trust each other? When did they start? Who said yes to who? Will they really go on forever? Aren't they afraid of being hurt? Isn't it sometimes just a thing for them? Peer pressure?--since their friends have those?

I was once innocent. To have a crush is sometimes to love. To see my crush along the way melts my heart. To sit beside my crush makes me feel uneasy but complete. To see my crush talk comfortably to other girls makes me feel discouraged and pushes me to find someone new. Often, I give them second chances or even third , infinity until I find no more reason to like him. (For me) To have a crush is to fall deeply and make myself believe that I'm emotionally mentally taken. My crushes never knew I had a crush on them.

During my high school years, I belong to the not so noticed girls in school. I was new to mutual understanding when I was 16 and that school year was about to end. This guy--- I only thought he had a thing for me. We kind of dated but I can only call it a meetup (still dated), since he invited me only through text. He was the friend of my girl friend. He was just my type, from a far... I was looking at his appearance, he was kind of cool guy, about 6ft, chinky eyes, quite my type. So yeah. You know my parents are strict. When we were together, he was really making me feel comfortable, but I was really not. I am not that frank, I was observing about his behavior. Then we strolled a bit and had a lunch (date). I was still on my pink uniform, he was on his black shirt, he was already in college and I was in high school... I was really new to this scenario, I wanted to go home so bad. Lucky, none of my family members saw me with this stranger. We did kind of text a lot, but it's so heavy for my pocket, I was a Globe subscriber and it costs more than TM (he's a TM subscriber). I came to ponder, since he was really demanding me to reload and reload, seriously during my high school years, I saved nothing due to activities that made me shy and unable to ask and demand for my parents some more money. Fortunately I discovered he had a lot of exes, he was really assuming we were already "on" after we dated? and changed his facebook status to "in a relationship and it's complicated" after the short story hr finally asked me why I stopped talking to him. My answer? was simple. "I changed." End of story. Harsh? YES.

I told myself that since I was going to college, having him is something that unjustifiably bothers me to mingle with others, with the new wild world of college.

So here comes college. And seven months ago, I fallen so hard to that guy from the internet who also had a thing on me. Okay okay, everyone knows who he is. That "japo" guy. Actually, he is not japo in looks,I saw him personally, haha forget it, just feeling fly japonese, oh c'mon grow some balls. This guy was really great it making girls(including me) fall in love by every single sweet smileys he sends me. I was new to that kind of another mutual understanding, yes we also texted a lot. One thing I noticed, he really liked to be praised, I kind of liked him at first since he was really humorous. but seriously he is boastful and he only likes hot and cute girls, only after to what they look. I could tell he is vain and racist. I never knew he had a girl friend already, I was really blinded since he was really sending horny flirty-ish text messages to me those times, and he's got a lot of exes too. He was a bad metal japo playboy type. I saw it on other girls' walls on facebook and so did he post familiar phrases that he once told me. I fell so hard, I was hurt. We even had a fight over the internet with his girl friend and his gf's other friend. It was really a hot bloody Christmas. Stupid! We were fighting because of him...Nonesense! It was really hard to move on. We're still "friends"... he's really a flirt. Having almost 10 girls over the net,is that something to be proud of? douchebag, I was only used for past time. Don't get me wrong, I was just tagged along with that feeling. Lesson learned? Not all guys are trustworthy, some just want to taste how you "do" it. And when they're done, they'll leave you hanging with along with their lies.

Sometimes, you need to stop asking why it happened and move on. Hey, moving on is not an easy step.

Thirdly, to Anghel guy... who's so mysterious. Until now, I don't know the real reason why he told me he was comfortable towards me and why he trusts me a lot. We were never really close because I never shared my part, my story to him. My "psych" classmate told me that he was probably making a move for me not to ignore him. We were really close in messaging and chatting. Unfortunately, we fail to bring it on personally. I fell quite hard for almost 5 months.

As I experience more of these, I learn to fall mildly. Never trust anyone directly. And go with the flow, just know your limits. Never assume. And if you like someone, tell him/her... I see nothing's wrong with this. It's just that in our culture, girls are conservative, they wait for the guys to say how they feel. Quite unfair girls? I know right? but if ever 2012 is really true (Don't get me wrong, I believe in my God and I'm getting myself ready for the 2nd coming of Christ the King), you better tell them.

I'm happy, I quite moved on. I learned how to grow some balls. And I'm pretty cautious right now...With him and my God :)


Thanks for the experience.
be better.

Hahas. I have been good. Back to kpop and azns. I was high, happy, carefree :] . I got myself a new "friend" :3 yay! HAHA. And have not been online for the past few days, because... I don't kind of care a lot about the virtual world right now. Ahhh, forget it. & so I checked my formspring. Nice question down there ; ) Is it even a question, Ohhh! something from an anon :PPP




okay, let's clear things out. I liked Kiyo. But ohmgeezcheesenutsSqueeze! I'm being silent for over 2 months or more. & I discovered that he deleted me in his two other accounts. Hell yeah. I don't know who wrote this, at the moment... I don't bother responding to this filthy bitch. Haha, c'mon `di ko mag strong, maka gain palang ko ug wrinkles! mag math 51 pa raba ko HAHA. Anyway, this son/daughter of a b**ch! Who cares about your Kiyo, that flirt? I tell you, eat him if you want him. Yeah, you're right, good thing he was never mine, but I tasted his "flirtyness". Know what he tastes like? Desperate maniac, ugh. If I only knew he wasn't serious. Oh wells, I did learned a lot from him. Haha, well yeah. Eat him & so his pimple holed face. (oh sorry about this, i'm not suppose to say this, but speaking of appearance...)

Okay, I don't want to be this harsh, because I know someone loves me right now. For all the success I achieved and will be achieving, I don't think I need to pay attention to things like this, haha, bakero janaino. So, yeah. & so my friends are there for me. Blah blah, whatever : ]

This vid I made for Kathy chan :] for her 18th birthday ^_^

We're "big" now. Keep going right.

Of course we finally taaaaaaaaalked LOL. kays. this morning, I helped him.
I helped him face that personnel since he was afraid to ask on who to ask for his unknown PW for is myiit account...

The convo went like
(Setting was... my friend & I were going to COE, and he's going back to SCS)
I was just staring at him, glanced and talked to my friend... After we met like strangers, he called my name *Q*, what's my name? say mah name! haha. Sorry, random.

So he asked me where I was going... I answered I'm going to COE.
-He asked what for... I need to return this book
- Aren't you going to ask for your password? - Huh why? Didn't you go there?
- No, I stopped myself to go there - Well, wait, i'll return this first, & i'll ask that personnel, ok?

We walked together, he was at my back. I know I was haggard faced, omgosh, I was conscious again T^T. And I ran fast to the shortcut stairs leading me to the library, I left the group.
I walked through the halls of COE and watched my haggard face whenever I see my reflection -- vaiiin. & I went down, and immediately, with no doubt , I went inside the office and asked that personnel.. Then I told Anghel what to do. LOL. Now, everything is okay. Thanks to me. LOL. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, I just can't tell. If that wasn't Anghel, I was not supposed to do that, like really.

You know one time, last december, I knew he would be performing in a band. & they lack equipment like drums. So I met that other guy, the so called japo guy for my Anghel guy---you get me? Like, I borrowed the drum set from japo for Anghel. LOL. I don't know, anything for Anghel? Is this the thought? Or I guess, I was just doing my job as the block rep & the organizer for the Entertainment's club. Oh c'mon. It was done with love, & slightly a meet up with the Japo. LOL.


gaaaah & during that night- after we finally talked in the morniiiiiiiing, he PMed. as usuall...about school stuffs. He started the convo yaaay LOL.



naka take na mo ug personality test?

haha xur
ganina mana : D

awwe
ako wa pa


tanan diay jud na?
abi ko 1st yr raa

murag

XDDD
200 items rba kaayo
HAHA

dugay mo nahuman?
lisod? haha

dali ra oi. LOL

nah wa ko ga tuon
hahahahaha

kuwan about your personality man tu
haha

ahh

nangopya ra gani ko
jokes*

tagae kog notes be
bahaha

hala wait sa.
send file sako

nah. maygani wa mo nasakpan

:))

naa kay link?forward sa ako be

LOL.



hahaha
error duuu
LOL



haha
bitaw ui, taposs ballpen rmn tu gamitun
shade shade
w/ choices

ahh..

and all

murag SASE diay

ohh
SASE nga answer sheet ang gamit ganina uii
hahhaa

mag tuon nlang kog shade diay

lage kay ma error
nyahaha.
XD


:D

Through the months and so with the days I was really madly busy... ME crushing on SOMEONE will always be a problem. & He is currently my ever bIGGESt WHAT IF @: There's no day he won't cross my mind, there's no day I couldn't mention his codename to my friends & there's no day he gives me a slap on my lamest face. & now I'm quite back for the real fight, real life. First school year academic class has been really challenging and quite successful... I attained unexpected positions and responsibilities in which I'm really not capable of doing so...People strongly trust me to informations I say...but sometimes that word trust lead me to dismay. We all need a break & so do I. Rolling through the battles with the thorns of fire we encounter & conquer the coolest iciest ice, we melt them down to caress the smoothest success there after...

So dwelling is my problem & so is hesitating.
You know I talk to myself like a lot, more than every time I go to bath. That's the real living room for me, the bathroom. I don't really know now... I don't get it, but why am I having a problem with that guy? So does this mean that...that guy is my problem? & this block representative thingy that's driving me insanely stress stepping up soon to be innocent weak external vice president for the next school year...not to mention replacing that gay ex VP (don't like him/her).

So my biggest problem is...I got no one to talk to pretty soon.
I will be taking up math 51 & I'm excited and pressured )___( . I'm actually aiming for flat one so my papa will buy me a notebook & hell yeah. DEAL.

I am thinking of shifting a course, I'm still feeling unstable about this course, though I'm enjoying...this is not really my field, my papa gave me advice & so...you know I wanted to get some arts thingy course but since this course got me stipend every month (just delayed though)so I was thinking this is good & I'm happy I have helped a lot of people. That life is not full of fantasies and easiness... That life is really great , I have no right to act such as getting mad easily, losing temper and the sapot sapot thing because it's no good. Lucky I live with a happy life, simple family though no money but still faithfully serving and doing everything & dedicating it to Jesus.

Some of my classmates now are in the midst of no money...
So this is a real life story : His father is working hard abroad & yet he's not really doing well in his academics since he got himself addicted to DOTA.
The other one: Her mother is still in Manila, waiting for the reply of which she was applying for...going to Saudi Arabia --- knowing that there's already war in some parts of the middle east now... & some of my mates will stop schooling & they will be having summer jobs to help their parents---instead of attending summer classes, they will save money for the next semester... & some really did go off sem, they ran out of money :( and that's the reality.

In this new environment, I was really built up to wake up from the reality. When I was in high school, life has been really easy (except for the academic thingy)--- I mean, I always ask money from my parents, I didn't even know how to save. A lot of money was really wasted. Money is something... Something that led me not to go to somewhere and I was left behind to hanging out with friends that's why it's better for me to stay home. For reals, I can live without any friends, like socially...

One time, I dated myself. I ate sundae alone in the Jollibee main & I felt completely happy. I just can't tell. Sometimes it's better to be alone and write stuffs and plan for better things. After these courses, I'll go...somewhere far.

& I chatted my viet friend today :3333 you know, FLING? haha. nice. FUNNY bed rock convo LOL. since that othar guy---Darren sok got Angel Vee Vo already LOL. K whatevers, I like my virtual life more than the real one--sometimes. haha



I'm excited for math 51!!! LOL.
& this Ungtayz Le is cute haha. asdfghjlf, he told me not to post this his gf might get jealous. Jealous of me lol, we're not talkin dirty nyways. blah blah.

So march madness will vanish soon & next week will probably be the last week for the whole school year & I'm quite saddened...

Okay first, I worry about my grades about the Instruments & Measurements Lecture & basic electronics Lecture, Laboratories are kays. Then I need to push some more effort to get a higher grade for math and csc since these two sum 6 units, so 3 for each. When I get a "very nice" grade from these two, I will soon be calm and carefree. Hey! worrying is a sin. I'm such a sinner :(

Next, okay let's move on to the unclosed case between me and the "anghel" guy. Haha. LOL.
So I have not posted lots about him past few weeks,days and months. Janelle,a close friend, and I agreed that after one month from FEb 14th, if we won't talk & won't have a clear communication, then after MARCH 14th...I will soon be done with him. So...almost march 14th, and blah blah , so okay 2 more days to go--yay! ALMOST DONE!!! but on the 12th he popped out from the chat box, and we had a good convo...Guess what the topic was!!! & again `twas sa'll about school stuffs and the worries for the exams. We both were really talkative & we replied to each other really fast. I was so happy & my heart were doing somersaults, since MARCH 14th was fast approaching. So I told Janelle that March 14th will just be another day, the deal will be cancelled since we got to talk. I knew he wasn't texting me since he told me he ditched his phone, he kinda prioritize the academics for now. Makes me like him moooore. LOL. K.

I was so high, a miracle! I cleaned the house and washed the dishes and do what other girls do just to make the house look pleasant and relaxing.

Here's the problem whenever we get to see each other, we just glance to one another just like strangers...I don't get it. & after this school year ends, I don't want to think over and even deeper about this kind of "thing" that will soon be left hanging.

So next time, I will soon look at him telling him in the eyes that we kinda need to talk again. I miss the good convos , LOL. okay my fault, since he waited for me to share `bout stuffs like love after he shared to me `bout his ex and what the hell the cowardness ate me since there was that metal headed japo guy when we're still good. waaa~ LAME ass bananas :))

SADLY, I Won The Elections

It's pay day! No, year. Sigh* I won. & there's no reason to celebrate, I entered the biggest ---well, not the biggest but next to the biggest responsibility to our so called "society". Waaa~ I got lots of votes and I feel blank about this. People trust me? Well, for sure they don't know me. So now I'm talking against myself. Hopefully I can carry this on pretty soon. I'm stuck with the FINALS. I so want summer right now and get that 6 units of math 51 so my agony in Maths will end for this course. )__(

So, these 2 whole weeks, I was really busy `bout myself. err. So 3 weeks or months before I was invited to run as the President of our society, the ESET society, thenn, I liked it at first `but I realized that it isn't easy and stuff & my self became my enemy to decisions that I make.

Anyway, I'm so down right now, well, really. I am really really forced to do this, uh not a hundred parcent but uhh almost 98% of my slef `ses NO to this. I mean, to be straight. To tell you, I'm running for an External Vice President this comin march fourth for our society. I feel really heavy right now, I feel like saying it in vernacular...

kapoia oi :c, I mean, I dont like to run this position jood, and that party kinda well not kinda but grabe jod ilang pamgos sa ako nga mu dagan, weeks before pa, like i stef dagan ha?

wla kai gi daganan? apil sa amung party

cge na stef, wla man gud mi lain makita sa uban block reps, (ang uban diay?)
aw ok man ang uban per ikaw man gud ang pinka active ug excellent sa ilang tanan

SAMOK kaayo cge sila ug beg, weeks before and the day before and hours before, errrrr. So I was really really forced, ning sugot NALAAAAAAANG KO para mu undang na. K. konsenxa no.1 K. UGH.

uh wait, yea yea thanks sa mga praises but duuuude DI MO KASABOT!!?D?F?AS?FAE?F?GSD?GARG?
DILI LAGE KO GANAHAN!!! WHAT THE EFFFFFFFORK IZ WRONG WITH YEW!!dfkbsfkjhaskksba
k, Im really mad right now.

nag start nami ug campaign and blah blah, what the hell nice mask im wearing, what the heck. So im making everybody believe that I run this position because like for the better of our society and blah blah, they were amazed, others got jaw dropping faces and blah & blah, our platform is like this & that.

So now im acting like playing safe. Actually I was invited by my good friend to be her external VP but I refused once,
she told me that she was hurt when she knew I joined the other party. So the party that I joined now is a rival of hers, but our positions arent rivals so yeah, that's kays. but uuh.

Nangumpanya man gud mi ganina and like, sa room sa kalaban, and there was another guy/girl--he's gay nga murag gi kalaban ang amung party err, so I was standing there quiet....so ga debate na sila, blah blah, so knowing nga ako---pinugos lng mu dagan xempre, "bahala namu dira--gipugos ko ninyo" pastilan pud ning konsenxa konsenxa pod nako oi pahamak oii. so I defended blah blah why ning run mi, why wala daw ang uban--xempre nag klase and all that jazz...So lain kaayo oi kay kabalo biya to sila nga napugsan kooooo, mao na gi banat banat mi ug questions. ok xa for experience but ako na ang naiipit.

So akong mga kauban is taking this pangumpanya serioslyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Maulaw ko mag speach ug basta lang paksiw!!!! err, so mao, believable xa. pero no big deal sa ako if mu daog ko or dili. Big deal xa pag mu daog kay duuuuuuuuude kapoiii the heck? akong grades? maka grado ko ana ha? but yea, I like to serve man gud, pero pwede man siguro na makahulat na mga instances like dagan dagan coz for me disturbo jod xa, meeting meeting , meeting meeting. HOY AKONG KLASE, akong scores, akong grado!!! akong CRUSH! di ko makakita. aw. umeegat? anyway mao na xa. ok rmn mudagan ko sa akong 2nd course, this time man gud precious kayo sako ang every subject, sayang kayo, d nko contented sakong scores ug nawala akong study habbit.

The good side is, mapractice akong leadership skills and instant jud ko ma mature mag think. aw. K. uuuh. AMBOT.

Basta I thy will be done. Bahala na si God what's best.

though there is this kinda big probability that I will win, they know me :c, they know my father :c.

NGANO MAN GUD GA TARONG KO PAGKA BLOCK REP OI!!! PAKSIW! >__<

Speaking of crush!
OMGOSH, aw. umeegat? wala lang perti jod! aw. nanampanya biya ko sa amung section, and like nag dali dali ko ug pangampanya, and wow straight straight english and like that. sssseeeehhs!!! was ko ga expect, ning sulpot xa. aw. K. so mao to--murag obvious na nuon nga umeegat bcoz nag tinutukay mi paksiw! tapos ning undang kog sturya sa atubangan. dayon nag vernacular na dayon ko. uh K. bahala xa. gwapo bitaw xag mata aii, taas pilok! aw. crush ra bitaw, tuo man O_O
naa koi karibal dooooooooh smallest world :)))

Music is LIFE :D

Every Sunday is my exercise day yey!!! Shen & I always play bball, forget about mees being noob. Hey I liked my role being the forward during high school XD. btw, enjoy my new music :D

HER Story

She always wakes up
with Jesus all the way,
But she can't deny,
She acts impasive whenever she sees you along the way.

Your mystic moves,
eclipse of your effigy she sees,
Makes her unoblivious,
you're the mirror from a far she sees.

The closer you get,
always excites her beating chest.
And secretly lingers to your swag so clean,
Her insides were doing somersaults,
Because you passed with a grin.

She's a secret keeper,
But to her friend she says.
That her fickle mind leads her to thoughts and feelings
That will soon lead her to dismay.

She makes assumptions,
Always thinking some possible situations.
That's what she always gets,
When she starts playing with a flash of her imagination.

Because when she assumes,
Perhaps it takes her away to that sort of gloom.
She's not futuristic,
She just pays attention to logic.

She stopped fantasizing you twenty four seven,
But still you cross her mind----that's heaven.
She stopped expecting,
She stopped assuming,
But these words always confuse her,
Whenever compared to hoping.

At the end of the day,
She has her family where she stays,
She's thankful she saw you,
Though you (she) was being mute,
That's okay.

She prays to Jesus at night
To dismiss her confusions
She has missons
Ceebs intuitions.

You're somehow,quite,
Legit special to her,
She just can't utter
Constantly ponders
You can't seem to be bothered.
Dude why are you being a stunner?


-----------------------------------

So that was her story. WAS, WAS, WAS.

I like digital techniques so much, LOL. Boolean algebra ftw hehe. But I need to work on my codes in JAVA, I suuuuuck, sankyoo to my brothar mikoo he teaches me coz I iz noob hahas. >:] I love life XD, walk with Jesus, with faith ^_^. Kbyes, needa study XD.

That's why there's the term "KIDS", inexperienced, unsure, & innocent XD singles ftw babies wuaharz.

nakoi news! wla nkoi crush yey! WUAHA.

Zoooooomgeeeez. Sorry if vernacular XD

I got my stipend today HORRAY! lols, money money monai. XD. Well yeah, Estephanie was with me, me iz so inut you know. I only treated her the red chippy & pineapple juice, yay! So, we stayed outside the ROTC office. Since I already had the capability to buy anything, I was.....me being so maarte (excuse me for being like that, it sounds annoying, but yeah.) thought of buying a new face powder since I ran out of supply HAHA XD` (it's no ordinary powder XD that's why I was craving for some XD, it makes my skin soft & it lasts all day long XD).I also payed for her fair. Then we jumped off the jeepney & went inside the mall. I really wanted to buy immediately but Steph was like into clothes, she was like wait! look at this, it's nice! I wanna try it on. Oh hey, we should buy same clothes,--blah blah. My insides were like yeah, those're cute but I'm so inut you know, I need to buy that face powder NOW~LOL. So we went to the blouses, then the sandals, & doll shoes, to different clothes then finally after talking to myself while I was with her---to the "face powder", LOLs, this powder costs much, I thought less than a hundred fifty but it costs higher. I was like Kays, I dun want my `momma say blah-blahs again, that's why ---no choice, I needa buy my own since I'm here & I have monaiii ahready ~ so yeahrss..

Finally a new face powder LOL YAY!!! (murag mao rajuy kalipay, but yeah, simple things make my day.) Anyway, Steph dragged me again to the dresses and polo shirts. `twas about 5 pm, I wanted to go home so bad, but before that I told her----Uh, steph, adto ta comfort room, kadali lng XD [I was really really excited to put it on, HAHAHA---eiiww, but really IDK I was excited, satisfies me a lot , not just a lot but a WHOLE LOT.]. So anyway, I was bringing along my sling bag with me, & my hands were like multitasking --occupied by stuffs, so I put everything down soooooo excited to put on that powder. HAHAHA, seriously sounds stupid, forgive me XD.

So I was about to go home. I was saying -- >Steph, sa tambo man ka no? (while searching for my wallet)

Steph: oh, dayun bisan unsa raman akong sakyan.
Me: cge sabay ta.. Hala Steph, asa akong pitakaaaa? HALA!
Steph: Hoi Stef!! tanga-a nimo oiii.
Me: Kadali (searching searching)
Both: hoooooooooooiiiii asa namaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnn
Me: Nah, sa C.R.!!!!!! after ko namulbos diba? XDDDDDDD :)))))))))))))
Steph: Ha? wala ko kabantai kay katong mga babaye akong gi tan-aw
Steph: Naa nai sakyanan ohhh.
Me: Naaaah, mubalik ko dadto
Steph: Na akong bag, mag bilin bilin pa.

Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnn XDDDDD

Guard: Ops! d pwede mag bag
Steph: Importante lng guard

I was inside the mall nah

Me: Steph, asa man ta ageeee? *lubdub*lubdub*
Steph: ah,, dire dire (kulbaaan kaayo xa ug tone XD)
Me: Huh? asa man? Escalator daliiiii
Steph: Nah dari ra sa elevator, 3rd floor bya too.

And nag dali dali jud mig pindot sa elevator, mygaaasss akong stipend, akong kwarta, ang picture ni P'shone ug ni 5 years WUAHAHAHA. omgosh naai koi ma blog HAHAHA. Pero mas nakulbaan jod akong kuyog , ako kay cgeg Oh Lord Jesus T_T.

3rd floor nah.
I was running with all my effort padulong sa CR, feeling like an action star, & parang mahangin sa loob becoz kana bitawng imung hair kay against sa wind & direction nga imung g daganan, so murag ga lupad lupad ang hair murag naa sa tubang sa electric fan XD. Akong nabyaan c Steph HAHA. dali ragud kaayo ko naka adto sa CR.

There were 2 janitors. the other one was a janitress & the other was a janitor. XD

I was catching my breath sabay sabi ng "Ate, naai nabilin pitaka diri :( "
I was like hopeful actually when she said "Unsai color?"
I tried to prove that that was mine, "Color black te... : | "
Murag wala sila na convinced.
I repeated "Color black to te, tapossss, dghan kwarta." (serious face)
HAHAHA, wla jod ko sakong self ato ug ingon ug daghan kwarta, not bragging, but I was telling the truth man sad. HAHA. wa ko kabantay,xempre bag-o lang ko nag kuha sa stipend noh, so dghan jod HAHA. anyway...
Steph interrupted the convo becoz she told me after that I was being hambojera for telling nah daghan og kwarta sa sulod & the janitors laughed & told us "Wala sa namu gihatag sa costumer's service kay basin mu balik ang tag-iya"
HAHA, natural -pwede nato makapalit ug usa ka sakong bugas ug pangtubil Iligan to Cagayan oi, overs. Wala najod akong 5-6 nga negosyo ani run.aw. joke.

I was really really really thankful & hugged ate at the cubicle HAHA. ang pitaka ilang gi butang sa bowl? XD tapos ilang gi tan aw ang mga pictures ang naa pajod sa pinakafront nga pic kay picture ni 5 years nga akong gi print screen ug gi print gahapon WAAAAAAAA. smna oii, sikatang 5 years oi, oi 5 years ma basa unta ni nimo haha, XDDD anyway. Kulang nalang mag group hug mi tanan. Sayang kaha ning mga tuskig nga akong gi tigum tigum HAHA. saon nlng ang pang chix ani, peruuu atik wruuuh :))))

What an experience, XD kays. sankyooo for reading HAHA.

LoL rereading my last post, I was so paranoid. I'm back to normal today yay!
kays. Back to work, I'm currently working on my english term paper. S'all about cell phones XD. Quite crucial topic since there're no books from the institute's library about cellphones, seriously...we already went to COE,CSM,main library,CED. & can't go inside IDS. So yeah, my group mates are like...ionno, the other one is quite annoying always blabbering despicable stuffs can't even paraphrase so we need not to put direct quote to every sentence, pft. So I carry 88% of the burden. At least Janelle helps me a lot in rewriting, the other one is... nvm. kays.
goal 1.0 & ave above 1.75 please T_T but I know for the fact I did my lamest performance during the prelims in English. You can put the blame on me.

I want to fly to Japan hopefully, fingers crossed* `gon make some robots after this power supply stuffs, programming & digital stuffs. HAHA. Enough bout being futuristic, back to reality, THE PRESENT is a present from GOD. :D

So I feel conditioned right now.

Forgive me, I'm sure there're lots of typos & wrong grammar, almost 1 am. I'm tired. Happy valentines! :*

Here goes the story of the sophomore turned junior guy & I while I was in high school.

Way back almost two years ago. You know I have a small crush to this guy. When you're single, of course you're free to have as many crushes as you want. But that was just a small, super minute itchy quite 3 percent-ish crush, I was stung. We got even closer during summer since I kind of taught `em cwalk & yeah. We got closer & closer & closer, I treated `em more like a brother, no more special feelings.

Summer 2009. I was then into vblogging & cwalking. I influenced him, I taught him how to, he did what I said & he even made a dedication vidy to me. Well, that was quite sweet to think, but during those times I took it for granted without knowing something was behind it.

We almost got same hobbies--& he's also a blogger & loves making foreign friends. He's got lots of pretty foreign girl friends & he's also fun of collecting & making fan signs. I think he asked me & I asked for him to make me one too `twas a deal. Of course, no doubt I'm sort of vain, I immediately wrote his name on a white paper & took myself a pic with that paper. The next day, on his birthday, I gave it as a present I reckon. He was like wow & I was like :). Really, to tell you honestly, I did it coz I liked doing it, not because I like him, because I know there was something in exchange. To spoil the story, I didn't receive any exchange fan sign. But `twas kays.

New school year opens. In the middle of the school year:

Sad news from him I heard. His father died :c. Think I was the most affected one during that time. So I gave my condolences to him & went to the wake of course, with friends. We had a small talk. I know he can bare & handle it. The burial was comin up. It was about mid June or July I forgot. Being a senior everyone was busy about the review for entrance exams but I really found time to go to the burial, my two besties were with me. I saw him in the Cathedral, I was worried & about to say my condolences again...They were taking last pictures with the coffin with his father's picture, he was wearing shades but when he saw me (us), he was quite surprised & ashamed that we were there but kind of happy he still managed to smile at me (us). We were on our way to the final place-- of course we were an outcast to his whole clan so we rode a jeepney & we were first to arrive to the cemetery. He accepted the reality I saw him.

I now conclude, maybe , from that day onwards... He took my efforts by/to supporting him the wrong way. He appreciated my effort by making him that fansign, kapoi bya buhat ato nga fansign ai, kapoi pangita og sakto nga angle. Tapos kalas bya mig plete kaayo, nag apas apas mi nila padung menteryo. Wala pod xay mga cm8s nga ning adto kami ra 3, tapos ako man to ang namugos nga mu adto jod. so mao guro to. aw.

Palakasan 2010

We still cwalked, I taught him. He was noob-ish that time, he really wanted to learn. So I taught him. That night, there was a cultural night. We went to the gym. We were quite meters away from our friends we were like cuddling each other but really, I swear there was nothing I felt towards him. & I told him



ui, naa koi ingun

ha? unsa?

ai ayaw nalang

naaaaaah unsa ba

pero ayaw saba ha

lage lage

naa bya koi crush doh, batch ninyo

ha? kinsa?

naaaaah,ayaw saba ha

oh lage

c ------

ahhhh,dghan man jud na crush ana niya sa una pa.



So `twas about 6:30-ish.

I was like


Uy gutum, di pamu mangaon? Papalit ko nimo be!

Huh? walay papalit papalit! dapat kuyog!

in the end kay kami rmn diay duha mamalit, nagpapalit ang uban lang heya!

We were walking nah, it was quite dark najod padulong CBAA canteen. I can feel his shoulders bumping to mine while walking, but `twas kays. Brother you know, kid pa xa so okay ra, taller nga lang. K.

So we arrived to the place, in the canteen. Dghan na kayo kog bitbit nga chips mga junk food nga ginapa palit sa mga nanugo, lang heya aw. atik wruh.

Suddenly he pulled me. Iyang gi bira akong elbows,

"Dali ragud Shan".
in front of his girl friends he asked : "Bagay me?"
friends niya: "Unsamana? bag-o napod?"

IMy insides was like: "huh? nganu mna xa? laina oi. yuck ka luod nah. smni oi."

So I waited him to finish buying food. I walked fast to the gym and sat on the bench, while they sat on the higher level. He offered be some food, I said NO. I was really in the middle of what the hell, super frightened, dude Im so innocent :(

I was thinking & over thinkng & over thinking. I was like eiw, yuck, huh, wth, unsa nalang ang iingon sa uban? nah laina oi, makabalo akong manghod, akong best friends ang mga teachers nooo WTH.

Dli na dayon mi mgpinansinay after that night, after that day. The next day, super awkward because he knew I wasn't feeling the same way. But there was an event the following day, Science month...DUDE he transformed!!! grabe ka azn, my type. Too late. kays. Everyone was saying gwapoha niya pag mu sayaw xa oiii, pag mu sayaw rapod , astiga oii.---basta gwapo jod xa mu sayaw. That day I was thinking why not? coconuT!

hmm, but I'm tight lipped. I never confessed. I hid it & hid & hid, I graduated. I forgot about `em actually. Moved on...

June 2010

1st pagkakita namo was like hiiiiiii shaaaaaaaaan 3x

& now hes got a gf, uh, read my other blog below nalang on how we met each others eyes. :|
samoka oi. K. nasa huli ang pagsisisi. aw. bhala oi. xa ra ba diay? naa pakoi majors atubangon noh. aw. pero. why theseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. tsk. K.

Can singles be happy on valentines day?

Well of course, that's a straight yes. They can, we can be happy.But in the end it's up for that individual to pick up his choice. Not my fault. & Of course we have friends that are also like us (single). We can celebrate vday together & enjoy the day together. But what's the big deal about valentines day? About valentines day and being single? I don't really get the point.

Actually, it's a biggy to some because they know how to envy others, envy how the so called lovers do the imba moves. But of course, this is one of the days when some of these (single) people feel & receive the biggest slap on their face when they used to spend public display of affection moments with their mirror, their exes. Well not really PDA but more like that. My vision about this day isn't that broad yet. So, therefore I conclude that singles can be happy during valentines day. XD

I don't think this Prom '10 blog is healthy for me. So whose idea is this? :/

Prom? uh, forget it. Maybe you enjoyed it , but I? I was just satisfied. Not happy, not sad--just neutral. IDK. So that wasn't my day,my night.

That so called "special" guy I could've danced with was from a sophomore class. LAME.

& now he has a girlfrand. Seeing those moves he used to do the same to me--is this jealousy? Think it's bad? Am I a sinner for being jealous? Huh? Like I moved on for quite some time, just like what I did to 5 years.

I know he liked me but I was the most coward girl ever when he told me that. What the heck, so ignorant of me, I was not exposed to such before, not even during my elementary years. He was just like a brother to me but everything changed when he told me that phrase. I was like O_O ^_^ :( :/ blank. I started avoiding him after that night. Those days I put a huge box of a freezing cold ice between us, `twas all my fault. A week after, I realized, why not?. But `twas too late, I can't even speak. Always thinking `bout the people's reactions & what if's & the haters & me being a pedo :(. But he's taller. Too late. On his birthday, I saw him with another girl. K. Enough :/

Like yesterday--I saw him glanced at me during the acoustic jam event. We kind of met each others eyes but `twas quite dark & he was meters away so I was like the great pretender for not even saying hiii from a far. & I saw him with his girl that I don't even like. A juice of a hot chilly pepper was poured into my eyes from my imagination. Don't get me wrong, before I knew they're together , originally I don't like HER, for some reasons--her voice, the way she speaks & her aura is...but she's pretty & talented I cannot deny. :D

There's nothing I can do but to pretend pretend & forget but still reminisce LOL. samoka nako oiii. I can taste my bitterness. Past isn't past.

I have a new crush for three months now & I'm taking this seriously but not too serious that we should pursue a relationship HAHA. Serious that I make sure he helps me enchant on what to do, I don't really want him to know coz I just want it to be that way.

Pasulyap sulyap ka kumari,
patingin tingin kumpari
Di maintindihan
Ang ibig mong sabihin
---reminds me of Sir Plaza's song XD

LOL dw bout mees I can handle it. I got academic damn problems which I need to pay more attention, I need to go out from this city after I'm done with this, THIS & these.

sorry wrong grammar, I know I should work on it :

So this season gives a big big big slap on the face to lovers turned enemers lol. When these bitter people ponder their moments like too much togetherness during the past make them reminisce the legit happiness. & singles need not to worry about being alone, be with your friends who are also single--don't worry, you guys will be together, together alone. >:]

No matter how you hurt me, used me, played me,ditched me. I still give a damn attention to you--even you don't deserve it. This is not a form of plasticity but it's a form of respect. I'm not inhuman to not to talk to you forever. You helped me at times when I was in my biggest trouble. But still you're a liar to me & to my friends (fans & supporters jks.)

This midterm experience is one great example -- of that feeling of how someone gives me that middle finger seriously immorally. Shame on me, I can't answer well to questions from my mates, from my parents & friends. I'm so slow by now. Something has gotten into me.

I know I know, this academic field I am currently pissed about. I don't know who to blame, what to blame and why blame when you can't put the blame on me --- I can bare it sometimes but my insides shed a tear to fight.

I find myself annoying.Just that...I have an active mind but I have a lazy body. Yes, I lost my goal. My insides're silently turning to grey every time I attain those red marks especially from my majors. I know I could've done better, still I know, I know...my fault, fault.

Subjects are getting lead-footed damn loaded. Circuit problems all the way, capacitors, inductors, resistors & all these tiny components are so cute I hope my grade are not as cute as these components. I thought JAVA only dealt with those codes like System.out.println daaaaaaaaaamn I just knew there're pseudo codes, algorithms & there're alot of things need to be memorized & these deals with deep analyzation,focus & concentration.Memorization is my weakness. Concepts I needa understand "MORE BETTER".

I just lack practice. IKR.

enjoy my new audio :']

I think I'm the manhid girl. Uhh, everyone was blabbering about sir Joel M. & I stayed silent. I was like, what's the point...I chose this, there were moments he asked us if we understand the discussion... I didn't ask. How could I ask, I was still internalizing + there're lots of destruction & he's like okay---honestly speaking, though he knows nobody understands, he still goes on & don't care like what the ef-idgaf to students who won't listen to me,they'll be the one's who'll suffer not me. So that idea kinda annoys me. But for reals, as a student I'm not doing my part much--hoooooooooooooooooooonestly...I only study days before the exams, of course if he discussed it thoroughly I won't hear this blabber fever from my mates. I was like *sigh* , they all said it. & too late. I failed my part but tohoootally he failed his part more , unable to meet the student's standards. But there's nothing I can't do yet, I'm still a student, so like he was saying wala nai flat one this sem ha & I was like aguiii nagpadungog dungog jud xa, aku rba tung ana ang grado sa 1st sem. I still want to be in the DL. ohhhh please :( . wala gani koi honor honor sa high school, d jud ku musugot pag wala napod sa college, future na ni teh.aw.K.So I'm challenged much for the finals, now I have resources, I need & I will really solve & study in advance. I can't stand graduating this so called engineering type of major without leaning this load analysis diode etc. WTH. no one needs to go to hell :) I need not to be affected. I have my own path. Thank You So Much Jesus for giving me such positive outlook in life. Just Jesus.

It already happened twice in my dreams, two different pianos appeared.
About 3pm Sunday---The first was like.. the piano was played by the Djs because they were like telling the listeners that there're songs that have double meaning (---iI forgot the term uuhh...like Lady Gaga's & others) `twas really weird. But it was a Sunday "episode" & I was overhearing them from a church nearby. & there was another guy (a priest) ---was having a sermon, just that the speakers/amplifiers were loud enough so I heard it from my grandma's house. & in front of the house was a seashore & we were planning to go to another island so we can avoid the bad songs played by the piano O_o. Idk, `twas really scary.

About 3am Monday---So there was a party in our house. My block mates were there, everyone was having fun. I was hype, I was called by Anghel & we were like super friends that moment but I let him wait for a little while `coz I was texting & wth Zalsos was leaning on my shoulders while Anghel was watching & waiting. So I went near him. & his arms were put on my shoulders (partly a hug) & he showed me something & again `twas a brown painted piano made of idk what kind of wood. So he was about to play it for me but my alarm clock annoyingly distracted me from sleep.

So curious was I, I looked over the web... random interpretations struck me & excite me..
For a young woman to dream that she is executing difficult, but entrancing music, she will succeed in winning an indifferent friend to be a most devoted and loyal lover.--(why indifferent? uuhh.)
To dream that you hear the sound of a piano, suggests harmony in your life. You are pleased with the way your life is going. --Really I was pleased for a while...

kapooooooooooooi na kaayo ug chase ani nga dream. ugh dude, the effort, idk what's happening really. So cge nakog ka bagsak bagsak, well...dli xa bagsak para sa uban, pasar man xa pero it's so low what the *k. Tapossss, ganinang 12am, I woke up nag study ko para sa prelim sa amung cisco, nag basa napod ko sa 3 ka chapters, peru ga higda man ko nag basa, nakatulog ko, so nkamata ko pagka 2am. Dayuuuun, I remember nga naa man diay mi assignemnt sa basic electronics, az en ambot sa amung maestro gi nsa niya pag tudlo kay di man jod ko maka gets! damn, major man unta niiiii, so nag solve solve nlng ko--maygani naa koi photocopy tapos effort kaayo ko ug sulat sa one whole nga yellow paper 2 in the morning ... basta nabyaan nako akong cisco pagka hapit na 5am, natulog ko. Gi pukaw ko 6 na, tapos I have a class 7:00 P.E..---lucky dugayan ang maestra, so wala rako na late, makalipooooooong ang dance steps hahaiii ambot. Taposss after atu kay Cisco na, prelim, ga langya rjod ko i got 74.79, though ang passing is 60 uuuuuughhh lain kaayo oi wth is wrong with me, well..anyway wala man sad sa chapter 1-3 ang uban questions! apil man sad ang 4 & 5!!! ugh, 74.79 so poooooooor. pero para sa uban taas taas naxa, pero gamay japon xa uuugh!*

Dayun, ingun biya tu amung maayo nga maestro nga mag make-up class xa pag 1-3pm, kabalo ko nga conflict xa sa akong R.O.T.C. duty tiiime, so I was thinking nga major ni taposss nag effort ku ug assignment ganinang kadlawon---ok ra man siguro nga mu absent ko sa R.O. so ning absent ko sa R.O. dayon maayo kaayo amung maestro wa ning tunga @#$%^&*&^%$ i could really curse right now. naaah fml fml fml. ambooooT.

Tapos the subject after the next subject kay I got 12/15 but bonus quiz man to para makatabang ug pasar sa amung prelim, ti-aw mu nang 11 ra akong score over 50. Wow, major baya ni wth wth wth, taposss 12+11 = 23,---wala man gani na nakatunga sa 50 items! haynako. ambot gi malas malas najod ko. Hi LIFE!

Then naa pajoy practical exam sa basic electronics nga wa koi hanaw kay maayo lage kayo ang maestro. 3 hours ang naka laan para sa subject , mu abot 45 mins before the time what the *k! ambooot amboooot

Wa pajod nko gi lihok ang amung term paper, kay ga langay langay ko, dli kabalo mu prioritize. Tapossss I should be reviewing my maths right now kay mag quiz mi ugma, WTH. so many problems. Dayun di na kayo mi mag sturya ni crush crush. Waleyyy

ambooot. Gi sulayan napod ko ni God.
Sorry jood sa tanan nko sins & unconfessed sins :|

Well, brb, murag over na... I need to have my water & eucalyptus therapy pa...
haynako. basta BV jd ko.
so ga yaw yaw ko,
sorry if vernacular.
end-

I'm not doing any better.
I'm not topping the exams anymore.
I got low scores.
I procrastinate even more.
I got disenchanted.
Being enchanted has expiration dates. Only lasts for a week or two for me.
I lost my focus.
I got ADHD.
I need to move onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn to reading books & drinking more waterrrrrr.
I don't know who my crush is O_o.
So... back to reality.
Damnn engineering subjects.

I fell in love with my new music in this blog page lols

So I want to learn Thai Lang now, enough about Korean/s

ไม่รู้ว่านานแค่ไหน ที่ฉันต้องทนกับทุกสิ่ง
mai roo waa naan kae nai tee chun dtong ton gup took sing
I don't know how much longer that I have to put up with you.

ปิดบังความจริงในใจทุกๆอย่าง
bit bung kwaam jing nai jai took took yaang
I've been hiding everythings in my heart.

ทุกครั้งที่เราพบกัน ทุกครั้งที่เธอหันมา
took krung tee rao pop gun took krung tee ter hun maa
Everytime we meet each other, Everytime we face each other.

ที่ฉันเฉยๆ รู้ไหมฉันฝืนแค่ไหน
tee chun cher-ee cher-ee roo mai chun feun kae nai
Though I am indifferent. Do you know how much have I have to force myself?

ได้ยินไหม หัวใจฉัน มันกำลังบอกรักๆเธออยู่
dai yin mai hua jai chun mun gum-lung bork ruk ruk ter yoo
Can't you hear my heart calling for you, loving you.

แต่ฉันไม่อาจ จะเปิดเผยใจ ออกไปให้ใครได้รู้
dtae chun mai art ja bert pia jai ork bai hai krai dai roo
But I can't release my heart out for anyone to know.

ได้ยินไหม หัวใจฉัน ยังคอยอยู่ตรงนั้น
dai yin mai hua jai chun yung koi yoo dtrong nun
Can't you hear my heart's waiting there for you.

รอให้เธอเปิดดู และหวังเพียงแค่เธอรู้ สักวันหนึ่ง
ror hai ter bert doo lae wung piang kae ter roo suk wun neung
Waiting for you to feel it. I was hoping that you will realize someday.

ทั้งทีฉันก็รัก ทั้งที่ฉันก็รู้สึก แต่ส่วนลึกข้างในยังไม่กล้า
tung tee chun gor ruk tung tee chun gor roo seuk dtae suan leuk kaang nai yung mai glaa
Though I love you, though I feel (your love). But deep down inside, I can't dare to tell you.

ทุกครั้งที่เราพบกัน ทุกครั้งที่เธอหันมา
took krung tee rao pop gun took krung tee ter hun maa
Everytime we meet each other, Everytime we face each other.

ที่ฉันเฉยๆ รู้ไหมฉันฝืนแค่ไหน
tee chun cher-ee cher-ee roo mai chun feun kae nai
Though I am indifferent. Do you know how much have I have to force myself?

ได้ยินไหม หัวใจฉัน มันกำลังบอกรักๆเธออยู่
dai yin mai hua jai chun mun gum-lung bork ruk ruk ter yoo
Can't you hear my heart calling for you, loving you.

แต่ฉันไม่อาจ จะเปิดเผยใจ ออกไปให้ใครได้รู้
dtae chun mai art ja bert pia jai ork bai hai krai dai roo
But I can't release my heart out for anyone to know.

ได้ยินไหม หัวใจฉัน ยังคอยอยู่ตรงนั้น
dai yin mai hua jai chun yung koi yoo dtrong nun
Can't you hear my heart's waiting there for you.

รอให้เธอเปิดดู และหวังเพียงแค่เธอรู้ สักวันหนึ่ง
ror hai ter bert doo lae wung piang kae ter roo suk wun neung
Waiting for you to feel it. I was hoping that you will realize someday.

(Interlude)

ได้ยินไหม หัวใจฉัน มันกำลังบอกรักๆเธออยู่
dai yin mai hua jai chun mun gum-lung bork ruk ruk ter yoo
Can't you hear my heart calling for you, loving you.

แต่ฉันไม่อาจ จะเปิดเผยใจ ออกไปให้ใครได้รู้
dtae chun mai art ja bert pia jai ork bai hai krai dai roo
But I can't release my heart out for anyone to know.

ได้ยินไหม หัวใจฉัน ยังคอยอยู่ตรงนั้น รอให้เธอเปิดดู
dai yin mai hua jai chun yung koi yoo dtrong nun ror hai ter bert doo
Can't you hear my heart waiting there for you, waiting for you to feel it.

และหวังเพียงเธอจะรู้ ว่าคนๆนี้รักเธออยู่
lae wung piang ter ja roo waa kon kon nee ruk ter yoo
And I was hoping that you will realize that this woman still love you.

ยังไงขอให้เธอรู้ สักวันหนึ่ง
yung kor hai ter roo suk wun neung
Any way, some day, you will know......



Read more: http://www.ethaimusic.com/boyd-kosiyabong/suk-wun-neung.html#ixzz1BpVxI0eu

So I just done watching this movie :] Thanks to Anghel he shared this to me ^_^

All of us, have someone who is hidden in the bottom of our hearts. ♥

This movie is something that struck me a lot, since I liked his guy for five years but never confessed. I mean she's so brave to tell this guy he liked after three years, she didn't know that the guy also loved & liked her since the day they were in the play.

well, this is my fave part of the movie :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zix38pCecvM

the girl confessed her love, the guy gave his secret scrap book to the girl that night...

damn, should watch it :)

Strike one - oh snap!!!
Strike two - asdfghjkkl not again!!!!! !__!
Strike three - WT* !@#$%^&*&^%$#$%^&**&^%$

So I have this guy mate, to get this straight. I'm now so slightly pissed|sh-t faced|upset with my awesome nerd ragic mate. When he|she talks about,insists about my answers...saying,proclaiming they're wrong & acting,talking all knowingly that he|she's right (so I'm wrong). The fact that I start not to believe in my capabilities, the doubtful me then comes out. When I know that I'm more capable of thinking/analyzing & answering more correctly than him, (I'm not bragging, but uhh.. IDS rules). So yeah, like he did it to me more than thrice already. I got wrong answers from his so all knowing suggestions. Better trust my own instincts, not even others, just myself. Sucks. Makes me feel like a loner..."Just myself"

LOL.really pissed me off, I almost failed! Lucky, I told the teacher not to record it since he haven't discussed it clearly.Lucky, not only me is saved....but the class as well.

I just noticed that my posts are quite selfish & emotionally nonsense. All about my crushes and confusions and intuitions. Not even thinking of the current events, well anyway. I just scanned over my diary... I can't believe I wrote this to my five year crush HAHA. (I just wrote this over a year ago, never gave it though). I love to play with my thoughts. Anyway, here it goes.

Dear you,
i think about you,not always but often. I know you’re far away from me. You just don’t know the feeling of having much butterflies in my stomach you’re giving, when we seldom(sometimes) talk. We both know what happened years ago, that only less people could remember it, or (maybe) you also forgot about it. But anyhow, i know, we both want a nice future, and we both have big dreams, stable job in the future, make our parents proud more than what we gave them during our high school years. I’m glad that you are there now, in a new environment. It’s okay if you don’t mind me, though we don’t communicate much, i have connections to those people who are close to you that’s why, i know what you’re up to and updates from you. Anyhow, being a secret admirer of you for almost 5 years, is kind of tough. There are lots of temptations. I was pretending I liked that somebody, but for reals, all I want (like) is you. LOLs. Well, i reckon , i can’t see the best thing between you and I yet. But what we have gone through, is frickin priceless than anybody else could have spent together.(well, prolly saying, everything happened through an accident that’s why there’s this cold space between us) The reason that I never confessed that I like you, because I think our friendship (though we frickin seldom make convos) is way better than us as lovers at the moment. God Bless. Take Care. Be my inspiration.
-you’re loyal secret admirer-

Well I moved on to that kind of guy. For reals, I seldom write long about my crushes. LOL. These are actually the people I never got bored writing about. :)

And to the new one :)

Anghel dear,

Hey this is 'Stefy'. I feel so over reacting right now. But to be honest, I was so flattered when you told me you trust me. And you started sharing your secrets to me (Like they say...praises are like perfume, just smell the perfume but never swallow it. But I reckon, I tasted the perfume... Is it that bad?) And you started sharing your deepest secrets to me that maybe only a few of us knew. I was quite insensitive when you shared those to me... thinking that during those times, I was also bringing a heavy hatred feeling to someone (I reckon, it was more than your problem). I still listened to your story. & It's sad...I mean really. You had been so loyal and loving towards her. But everything you told me didn't sink into me yet during that night. For me, we are secret super friends since we unusually talk personally when we're here in school...

Yes, I told you about that 11:11 thingy, we wished together.
Your wish? I wonder... I never asked but I always bother.

We sent each others replies those nights until midnight. Excited mush for your name to appear in my inbox, but weeks later, we stopped sharing thoughts together.

Everything you told me started to sink into my mind slowly. Scrolling and rereading your messages, I noticed you indirectly confessed..

When you told me you're comfortable towards me,
I felt so fly, flattered than anyone could be.

Your swag so clean and rare to find,
24/7 you're now running on my mind.

Worrying if things would go wrong,
You know I'm not that strong,
I really don't know where this lunatic feeling belong.

Maybe this is just an infatuation
Made by my mere imagination...

`Coz I fantasize situations,
Sometimes I don't know where to apply my limitations,
All these confusions,
I cannot understand even simple signs and punctuations.

I don't really know what I am to you,
But for all I know..
You enchant but confuse me,
That's what you always do.

Don't get me wrong,
I'm not hurrying things up,
I just want to get us close enough.

I never intended to put malice,
But because of my fickle mind hindi yun maaalis

E N D

Crushes are just crushes. Don't worry, I will never grow some balls to tell you both how much you enchant, confuse and mean to me :)

Inspirations are just inspirations.

To top it all up, it is because of Jesus in me, why I see these beautiful sides of you. :)

Dear Ma,
Please don't ruin my mood tonight. I'm hype & I feel fly.

&

Dear Pa,
Please stop blabbering and joining Ma about my mistakes, you could've been a priest. Sick of your sermons.

& to you both, I love the way you parents annoy me :'>

Makes me feel it's new year everyday ^_^
I never felt creepy inside this home,
It drives bad ass spirits away,
They never want to listen, I know.

Say what?

nonsense again :|

Such a nice story.
Nice voice quality.
HD video.
Cinematography so simple.

wew.

It's just so hard...when the way I act is so opposite to what I feel.

I always think and pay attention to what people will say.

If this is a secret, how could I even be safe and play?

I'm starting to dig into you,

Your words struck me a lot,

I just can't tell...

To me you're new, so brand new.

Bizarre,

It bothers me how confusion grows again and again and again?

I'm so tired

I feel so super used

I don't even want to taste that bitterness & pain again

For all the struggles I heaps survived...

I know you're a gift to my life,

But everyone's a gift,

How could you stand out from all the rest of the gifts I receive?

Or is it...

I can be in love but I just don't know?

____________________________________
here I go again, idk idk idk idk idk

I call him "Anghel" he just don't know.

Ti.aw mu nang mu sulpot rag kalit, makulbaan jud gud ku.

hahaiii. :)

Part 3 (please read the 1st part before the 2nd part LOL)


2 0 1 1

New year!

I saw his sexy back, ajhsdkasjjdhdasjhjhajk. I was like, he shouldnt see me like this, so I went on with what I was doing...

That night, I sent a group message, I included him.. it goes something like..

"Nakita nga kita, ngunit bakit yung sexy back mo lang ang nakita ng aking mumunting mga mata?"
-LOL

after three mins, his named appeared in my inbox

"Philosophy in/of Life:

Unsaon manang naay uyab nga murag WALA?

maypa nang wala nga murag NAA! daghan pa!"

and the tag below is just ahaha :D

I was confused if it was a group or personal message...

I replied - Mao nay bungga!

(better to have crushes than being committed, Can be replaced anytime LOL. anyway..)

Him: ahaha. Haven't seen ya today.

sjkaksjdksjhskajajkkj, what?! change topic?! Why do you even need to see me??!?! *heartbeats*
---------------------------------------------------------------------

I mean, I can't force myself not to assume for a little while.. sigh*

I always go hype every time we're both classmates, IDK. I can't just act normal O:

Well yea, teenage dilemmas.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry for another stupid entry, uhm, my momma's gon kill me and ditch me from this laptop, latuuurs readers.

Magpopost na po ako ng matino. Si mama kasiiii T_T
K byes.

You must read the blog below this before reading this :)

Part 2

We just made long long convos that day...
I thought his name would never appear in my inbox..well, that's okay.

Christmas is fast approaching...heard of that SMP thingy? he texted me why was I SMP O_O. Because he is... Well, i just joined that kind of fan page for the sake of joining, I was bored LOL.

i was like asdfghjkl; why this topic? O:

okay, a friendly convo and so on...

idk, he told me the reason behind him and his ex... that was a sad story : |
I don't know if I should comfort or what or.... IDK.. well yea,

IDK.

sorry this is such a stupid entry.
---------

well yea, the sweetest thing for me was when we both wished at 11:11pm, New year's eve : )

--------

(I just lost my focus, my mom is blabbering from my back, Kbyes. need to review... )

For the girls :

What is it to you when a guy tells you that he's comfortable talking to you...that he thinks you can be trusted?

For the guys :

What is it to you when you tell a girl that you're comfortable talking to her... that for you, she can be trusted?

IDK. I have been thinking about this guy almost 24/7. He told me those phrases... Uhmmm... The story is kinda long...I will just make it brief...

*I lost my paper where I have written everything about this story :|*
Okay...

He's the type of guy who caught my eyes,the way he moves,
his swag so clean which is so rare to find. Let's say, I admire him. But that feeling was covered by some anon, I don't even want to reminisce...I was so hopeless those days, He's so out of my reach, There's no reason for us to make convos or something... How could we talk about such random things? hmmm...That's what I thought...

I got his digits because I'm the block rep, and friends and blockmates ask me informations whenever there are events... I seldom include him in my group messages, once... he replied and started a conversation about school stuffs until midnight, I mean we're not that super friends ...But there we were...we started at one topic, and with not even knowing it, we’re on another. Where there are no awkward silences, trying to think of something to say. Just conversations filled about school stuffs. Kind of serious but a friendly convo. I just don't know when to apply my jokes and teases..But we're having convos like the ones that seem endless.

I taught him about 11:11 ---- making a wish and making it happen He was curious, he wanted to give it a shot....So that night we wished together...I was hesitant to ask him what he wished for...

End of part 1 :)